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Today’s date is significant only because I have a bizarre ability to remember dates and this one is easy, breezy and beautiful… just like this CoverGirl. Ha!

Moving on…

Since August was pretty much a blog fail, I need to catch up.

Unexpected Suprises.

Remember that? The theme from the beginning of the year?

I haven’t been good at spotlighting them throughout this year. I think I stopped at #2. However, in the past several weeks, they have popped up, well, unexpectedly.

I went back to my old job. Didn’t see that coming. Same company, same building, same sort of work, different boss. When I walked out of there in January, I shredded the piles of trees that served as evidence of the 2 years I spent documenting business processes. I didn’t think that I would ever use those processes again. Surprise! I am doing exactly that.

A few weeks ago, with the help of the world domination that is Facebook, I found someone that I haven’t seen or spoken to in 17+ years. Now, I know that this is the essence of Facebook. Everyone is reconnecting with people they have lost touch with, but this particular person is someone that I believed I would never speak to again. It just wasn’t likely.at.all.

We have no point of connection. We live thousands of miles apart, we no longer have mutual friends. Life has been lived in the distance of nearly 2 decades. There was no trace. How is it possible to find someone with those odds? Surprise! It happens.

I don’t get it and I can’t explain it but I do appreciate it.

As much as I love to have a plan and know what to expect, there is far more beauty in being caught unawares. The mystery exceeds the expectation.

It doesn’t matter what things look like. It doesn’t matter how impossible something might seem to be. You never know when something or someone that you have written off will return as an unexpected surprise.

August

I have an aversion to the month of August.

It has proven over the course of my life to be a month of endings.

Generally, I hold my breath and pray to get through it.

Words have been silenced this month, more subconsciously than intentionally.

Today, August ends.

The Inside Of Outward Things

When I flit from day to day, caught up in all that is tangible around me, there is something lurking that tugs at the part of me that no one else sees.

I am reminded that things are not what they seem.

There is more going on than the “stuff” I have to do and the money I have to make. There is more to the bodies in my life than drama and stress and even more than the smiles that flash as they walk by.

I slowed down today and let my inner ear hear.

Like the tick of a watch that can only be heard when all other noise has been stilled, it’s always there but gets shuffled to the bottom, in all that life has going on.

What is really going on?

What is it that these outward things are creating on the inside?

It Takes Two To Tango

I heart Tango. It’s a dance that emits passion and a sense of drama. What could be better than that?

It’s been a long time since I’ve dabbled in the realm of ballroom dancing but last night, the inspiration found me once again.

Looking for something different to do, a friend and I went to Tango Tuesday at a local piano bar. It started with an hour-long Tango lesson followed by dancing until the pads of my feet were swollen and numb.

Here’s a list of life lessons from Tango class:

• The man invites the woman to dance. It’s called a "Cabaceo". He beckons her with a look of the eyes and then with his movements he invites her.

• The woman moves only when the man leads her to do so. He leads her with movements from his upper body.

• The woman must wait as long as is necessary for the man to lead her into the next movement. Each move is executed with intention.

• If he makes a move and she hesitates until she is certain of the move he is making, that is better than her moving ahead of his lead.

• The woman must trust herself. There’s no need for the woman to rush or second-guess herself. If she does make a mistake, she should commit to the movement and he will correct it in the next step.

• The man and woman must stay connected for the dance to be successful. To break physical connection, throws the dance off.

• A man’s job is to make a woman look good on the dance floor. However, if she tries to take the lead, he can’t successfully do his job.

• A woman will be properly balanced on her feet and able to make the most beautiful movements if she allows him to lead every movement. She will find herself off balance and awkward, if she attempts to lead.

• The man must navigate around the dance floor in a counter-clockwise direction. The woman dances moving backwards; she cannot see what is approaching behind her. The man dances moving forward with a view of what she can’t see. He must create the dance moves so as not to run the woman into other couples on the dance floor.

• A man may lead with pronounced starting and stopping of each move when he is dancing with a new partner and as they begin to understand each others’ way of dancing, the movements are more subtle and the dance is more graceful.

• The man controls the pace of the dance. He may move slow, fast or somewhere in-between. He may take several fast steps followed by a prolonged time of short slow movements. The beauty of tango is the variety of moves.

I forgot how therapeutic dancing is, especially partner dancing. One gentleman that I danced with near the end of the night asked if I wanted to dance with my eyes closed. That dance was by far the most fun for me. Without the distractions of looking around or focusing on my own moves, I was able to pay attention to the subtle cues of his lead. I was more relaxed and didn’t make as many mistakes.

That’s my Tango tale… now I just need a full time partner.

The Odyssey Of The Heart

I flipped on the midday news today and instead of catching the latest healthcare debate or the stock prices, I watched “breaking headlines” about the governor of South Carolina. Just in time to witness the press conference live, I was drawn in.

I’d never heard of Mark Sanford prior to a couple of days ago when I saw a headline on msn.com saying that the South Carolina governor was missing. I read the article, which stated that he was MIA but that he was known for occasionally taking private time away from his high profile duties.

It seems the stories of politicians in scandal are frequent these days. Spitzer, McGreevey, Ensign, Edwards, the list of those in political power that have been publicly disgraced reads like the name of a law firm with too many partners. But today, watching Gov. Sanford expose himself and his marital infidelity felt different than others I’ve seen confess their sins from behind a podium.

He was candid. He was apologetic. He gave the watching world facts and details that he could have left out. He could have spun his statement in such a way so as to save face politically but it didn’t seem like he did that. The point in my observation is neither to judge him nor to pat him on the back, but rather to recognize truth that I can take away from this unfortunate scenario.

One thing he said was, “the odyssey that we're all on in life is with regard to heart”. That statement rings in my ears tonight.

Regardless of if your life is paraded in front of a national audience, if there’s few who really know you at all or if you fall somewhere in between, what really matters is the state of our hearts.

Part of my heart is alive underground, where no one else sees and part of it, once bound to a fake me loves to be free. Part of my heart has been dead and part of it has been in shreds.

It IS a continuing voyage to find ongoing restoration and life and to live from that place and that is something I needed to remember at midday today.

Deep Breath

The hiatus is over.

I didn’t know I was going on a hiatus before it happened but here we are nearing the end of June and the blog has been dark for almost 2 months.

Lately, it’s been a struggle to write so I’ve been avoiding it much like skipping over the questions on a test that I don’t know the answers to. I go back to them later, if there’s time but when it comes to writing, I have moved forward without taking the loop back.

Without answers, I wait.

If the human body is 70 – 75% water, then my life is 85 – 90% waiting. It’s a theme that weaves its way through my existence on a continual basis.

I am tired of waiting.

I want movement.

A Little Rain

The sun came out today.

I haven’t seen it since Friday of last week when it made a brief appearance between the clouds. I don’t mind the rain. It’s par for the course this time of year. One day last week, after it had rained all night, it was overcast and misty in the morning. A bold green hue settled on the ground and in the air. I drove to the gym amazed by the stark transformation that took place in the dark of night. The day before, leaves were tightly closed buds and the grass was patchy green and brown. Winter was hanging on with all its melting might. In just one night of rain, the landscape had changed.

Failure, insecurities, hurt, or disappointment are messy and overwhelming. The “stuff” in life clouds up our sunshiny days like a downpour but those things can serve as a passageway to something new in our lives.

So, while I love the warmth of sunny days, without the rain it would be a longer journey from winter to summer. Yes, it’s inconvenient and messy but the rain accelerates new growth.

Yesterday I was drenched and tomorrow may be more of the same, but today the sky is cloudless and I’m taking a peek at all that is new today.