Quote Of The Day #3

Yet another brilliant quote brought to you by my crazy neighbor. 


Crazy Neighbor to her boyfriend:


"God doesn't like ugly people."

Christmas At The Catery

For the past 4 years, my sister, Angie, has been a nanny to 3 kids whose mother was diagnosed with ALS, commonly known as Lou Gehrig’s disease. Most ALS patients only live 2 to 5 years after being diagnosed. Claire fought it for 5 years. She passed away in May of this year. Claire was a big personality. She made appearances in Congress and on national tv and passionately raised awareness and funds for ALS research. 

Over the last few years I've had the opportunity to get a glimpse into the journey of this family and the friends that are like family to them.

Last night, one of Claire’s best friends held a Christmas party. It was my pleasure to attend. The party was held at this café in downtown Larchmont, NY. Owned by Claire’s friend, he gave a bit of himself when he hosted and cooked and opened his place to those who joined him to honor Claire. A storefront café on the main street, right next to the train station; it had an antique feel dressed in festive trimmings. It glowed with the warmth of Christmas.

Cocktails and hors d’oeuvres were served as the guests mingled to the soft sounds of yuletide carols. These were Claire’s friends and Claire’s family that had gathered on this evening. Although I have met many of these folks over the past few years, I was an observer more than an insider.

They shared stories and memories of Claire from childhood, through the years, and even of her funeral. I never knew Claire without her wheelchair and her tracheal tube. They did. They knew her as a young girl, a sister who confided her secrets, a teenager who got in trouble, a college student who was a little crazy, a bride who was in love, a mom who needed a night out, and they all knew her as their cherished friend.

As I listened to each of them reminisce, I was touched to realize that this group of people is connected today because of one person. They are friends now because each of them were, at some point along the course of their lives, impacted by the same person. Claire, the person who brought this group of people together, is no longer living among them but her impression on their lives has kept them together.

I witnessed the tangible influence of one life as she had given and it had multiplied.

It was a beautiful reminder up close and in my face that life matters and what we give to others today will extend beyond our own limitations. 

Quote Of The Day #2

Crazy Neighbor is still crazy. 

For a little background info on my crazy neighbor go here and here.

Crazy Neighbor’s latest man is a 50-something black man who, like Crazy N, has an undetermined amount of issues due to the lifestyle he lives; not to mention he’s an alcoholic and drug addict just like my neighbor. They are quite a pair.

Neither one of them know how to use a normal tone of voice. EVER. Everything they say, while they are inside her home, I can hear while I’m inside my home with all doors and windows closed. Sometimes, I can still hear them with my TV or music on. If they are in that house together, they are fighting. 

Here’s today’s installment:

[both screaming at the same time]

Whacked Boyfriend: “SHUT YOUR MOUTH!”

Crazy Neighbor: “DON’T YELL AT ME F #$@ER!”

Whacked Boyfriend: “SHUT UP WOMAN!”

Crazy Neighbor: “YOU SHUT UP!”

Whacked Boyfriend: “SHUT UP!”

Whacked Boyfriend: “SHUT! UP!”

Crazy Neighbor: “NO! NO! NO! NO!”

Whacked Boyfriend: “BE QUIET WOMAN!”

Crazy Neighbor: “DON’T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT F %#$ER!”

Whacked Boyfriend: “SHUT THE F@#K UP!”

Crazy Neighbor: “NO! I DON’T HAVE TO!”

Whacked Boyfriend: “SHUT UP! SHUT UP!”

Whacked Boyfriend: “BE QUIET! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!”

This went on for about 30 minutes. Just the same few words, nothing of any substance, until Crazy Neighbor left to go get more alcohol and cigarettes.

True.Story. 

All I Want For Christmas

It’s not much, just a few small things.

Santa and I pow-wowed over a gingerbread latte to compile the list so don’t worry, he’s cool with it.

He wanted me to make sure you know that he won’t begrudge you the joy of giving if you want to help him out on fulfilling my few requests. 

I know you will want to get started so here you go:

(in no specific order)

• Remote starter for my car
• Plane tickets to anywhere
• Tints for my car
• New carpeting throughout my house
• More plane tickets
• New countertops and cabinets
• New baseboard heating units and digital thermostats for each room
• A handgun
• More plane tickets
• An iPhone (with Verizon service)
• Kindle
• 64GB iPod touch
• More plane tickets

That about covers it. 

The Perfect Christmas Tree

This weekend, I pulled my 9-foot Christmas tree from the closet, assembled and clothed it in red, green and silver bulbs. Last year was the first time I made the switch from a real tree to the artificial kind. I was hesitant, but I quickly got on board when the artificial tree didn’t cost $70 and didn’t ooze sap all over my carpet. I do miss the smell of fresh pine that fills the house for the first week after bringing home a live tree but a pine scented Yankee candle will have to do because the perfectly symmetrical fake tree, fits in my living room just right. This is a big accomplishment because, as a teenager, every year, the quest to find the “perfect” tree was an important part of the holiday season.

Growing up in western Colorado, the Christmas tree hunt traditionally took place the weekend following Thanksgiving. My parents, aunt, uncle and cousins along with my brother, sister-in-law and sisters made the pursuit a family affair. The permit cost just $5 and that was all we needed to cut our own Christmas tree from the National Forest, which is exactly what we did.

One particular year, we went into the Uncompahgre National Forest in search of the “perfect” tree. This should have been no problem considering we had our pick of any tree in the whole forest. My brother and sister–in-law found their tree in record time. They cut it down, attached their permit tag and loaded it onto the flat bed trailer behind my uncle’s Ford Bronco. It was similar to hunting a deer or elk, without the blood and guts. 

Mom wanted to take a jaunt off the gravel road to find just the right tree for our family. It didn’t matter that there was 2 feet of snow on the ground and the tree would have to be dragged through a ravine to get back to the truck. The perfect tree was out there and it must end up in our living room.

Everyone, including my brother and sister in law, started roaming the forest to help Mom find the elusive spruce. Just as everyone got down to the bottom of the ravine, my brother noticed a pick up truck that had pulled alongside our vehicles up on the gravel road. As he watched, a guy got out and took my brother’s perfect tree off the flat bed trailer and put it in his own truck and drove away. My brother charged up from the ravine, tramping through 2 feet of snow, jumped in his Bronco II and sped down the gravel road, after the guy. Catching up to the thief, my brother ran the guy off the road. Armed with his full sized Maglite in his hand and his .45 handgun out of sight, my brother confronted the bandit and took back his perfect Christmas tree.

Who steals a Christmas tree off the back of someone else’s trailer in the middle of a forest?

Amid the hysteria, Mom picked a tree and Dad cut it down. It was lopsided and bare in several spots but for us, for that year, it was the “perfect” Christmas tree. 

Full Of Thanks

I am thankful for perspective, that offers a view of more than just a single dimension of life.

I am thankful for grace to get through brokenhearted moments and situations that would otherwise cause breathing lungs to collapse. 

I am thankful for peace that keeps the tornado from raging on the inside when feelings demand mayhem.

I am thankful for hope and the anticipation that the junk of today may be replaced by pleasure tomorrow.

I am thankful for faith, even though it’s ever so small, because believing in something that makes no sense would be impossible without it.

I am thankful for truth that takes the inflation out of illusions.

I am thankful for trust, though not always easy to find, when it’s strong it quiets insecurity.

I am thankful for redemption that takes what is fractured beyond recognition and rebuilds something better from it.

I am thankful for love that can’t be explained or fully understood but that is given and received in the most personal of ways.

I am thankful.

Underneath

With a sip of red wine

On a chilly November night

The thoughts began to ramble

‘Will these days change?’

‘Will life ever rearrange?”

Maybe it’s time to take a new gamble

There’s no time to bluff

Live life today off the cuff

So tomorrow is not another regret

Revamp your previous plan

Be willing to try once again

Pull out just one more slim cigarette

With all that is and all that could be

Reality spars with a living dream

Change needs only a breath of time to live

A fresh beginning is pulling the strings

Screaming to be given new wings

Step to the unknown, make this life active

The Quote Of The Day #1

Have you ever been cruisin' through your day and a sound bite from someone around you made you shake your head and say to yourself, "What? Really?"

Let's face it, people say crazy stuff.

Shoot! I say crazy stuff.

When this happens to me, I think I will share it here so you can shake your head too.

Here's the first installment of "The Quote Of The Day".

The Boss: "What's the status on your project? Are you done yet?"

Coworker: "You're killin' me! I'm not used to working."

New Music

I love when people forsake fear to dream big dreams and the stories that follow.

I met Annie Parsons here in blogworld, this place where people share a little of themselves via technology. I don’t remember how I found her site but her writing grabbed me and wouldn’t let go. The more I read, the more I learned about her. She grew up in western Colorado just 25 miles or so from where I grew up. All of the sudden, the world became smaller with the help of the world wide web. She now lives in Nashville.

We’ve never met in person, but for almost 2 years I have read her blog daily. I am inspired by her honesty, vulnerability, humor, and her talent for writing.

Annie is someone who isn’t afraid to dream big. She loaded up her car a few years ago, set out from Seattle and landed in Nashville to follow her dream of writing songs. Without any guarantees, she followed the beat of her heart even though it cost her more than she could have imagined.

For her, the road towards her dream has been tough and there have been times that she questioned if she made a mistake, but out of those struggles comes life, in all its beauty... and some good songs.

This week, Annie released her first EP; a collection of songs that she has written and recorded. Her music is filled with feeling and is easy to relate to.

Listening to her songs this week brought tears to my eyes. I’ve read about her hardships and have felt a bit of what she has gone through. I understand the questioning. I know those things quite well myself.

The difficulty of her journey makes this milestone so much sweeter and I hope that it inspires us all to dream big.

Click on over to hootenannie.com and myspace.com/annieparsonsmusic to learn more about Annie. Read her story and to listen to her tunes.

A Lovely Autumn Day In New England

Every day there is less daylight than the day before.

Every 24 hours winter is closing in a little faster.

Yesterday the deluge pounded without mercy.

But, TODAY there was a reprieve from the inevitable.

I took advantage of it and my soul found warmth on the shores of Newport, RI.

Reacting

“You never know what may be going on in someone’s life.”

That’s what someone said to me when I was bitching about feeling dismissed by a friend.

I hate when I judge too quickly or leap to a conclusion without knowing the full story.

It’s an automatic defense but too often it’s unfounded.

May compassion be my first reaction to harsh words.

Sending Email

Just like the rest of corporate America, I have a work email address. It’s meant for communicating with work people about work stuff. I rarely use it for anything personal and this story is a lesson in why.

Apparently, there are a few people in the corporate email directory that have a name similar to mine because I get emails periodically that are meant for someone else.

I love when this happens.

Most of the time they are boring emails that have to do with some work related issue.

Today however, I got one that I think is worth sharing.

Someone within the company wrote:

“why since u gave me doctor grahams number today he finally called and told me im ovulating hella long hunh im still excited about it though lets just see now if i get pregnant”

Clearly this email wasn’t meant for me.

I giggled.

The lesson: double check your email address before clicking “send”.

Because, now I want to email her back and ask if she’s pregnant.

The Good In Today

No alarm clock

No obligations

A friendly phone call

A brisk walk on the beach

Sunny with a few puffy clouds in the sky

Favorite music

Driving with the sun roof open

Colorful fall foliage

Visiting new towns

Iced Coffee

Chocolate

Being Alive!

In Costume

Last night, I dressed in costume for the 2^nd time in my life.

Yes, it’s weird that I have only done this twice but I’m starting to like it.

The dress I wore in my sisters wedding just 3 weeks ago lived again when I added a cape and transformed into a goth temptress of the macabre.

In little more than an hour, I became someone far removed from the real me. It was fun and it gave me license to try on another identity. When I arrived at the party and people who knew me didn’t recognize me, I felt a sense of accomplishment.

Of course it was all in good fun but while I was painting my fingernails in black, I was reminded of all the masks we wear in life.

We hide behind laughter and we hide behind silence. We hide in maturity and in immaturity. We hide in arrogance and sarcasm and sugary sweetness and all manner of things that we are good at.

The things that are a part of us, that make us who we are, become diminished when we use them as a layer of self-protection. There’s always something to hide behind that will conceal our true self.

Why so much hiding??

If I feel weak or inadequate or that someone may reject me, I might go silent. That way, if those things prove true, if someone does reject me, then I know it’s not the real me they rejected. It was the mime costume they didn’t like.

In the moments that we find ourselves hiding in self-protection, may we remember that being true to who we are, is far more beautiful than any costume we might create.

090909

Today’s date is significant only because I have a bizarre ability to remember dates and this one is easy, breezy and beautiful… just like this CoverGirl. Ha!

Moving on…

Since August was pretty much a blog fail, I need to catch up.

Unexpected Suprises.

Remember that? The theme from the beginning of the year?

I haven’t been good at spotlighting them throughout this year. I think I stopped at #2. However, in the past several weeks, they have popped up, well, unexpectedly.

I went back to my old job. Didn’t see that coming. Same company, same building, same sort of work, different boss. When I walked out of there in January, I shredded the piles of trees that served as evidence of the 2 years I spent documenting business processes. I didn’t think that I would ever use those processes again. Surprise! I am doing exactly that.

A few weeks ago, with the help of the world domination that is Facebook, I found someone that I haven’t seen or spoken to in 17+ years. Now, I know that this is the essence of Facebook. Everyone is reconnecting with people they have lost touch with, but this particular person is someone that I believed I would never speak to again. It just wasn’t likely.at.all.

We have no point of connection. We live thousands of miles apart, we no longer have mutual friends. Life has been lived in the distance of nearly 2 decades. There was no trace. How is it possible to find someone with those odds? Surprise! It happens.

I don’t get it and I can’t explain it but I do appreciate it.

As much as I love to have a plan and know what to expect, there is far more beauty in being caught unawares. The mystery exceeds the expectation.

It doesn’t matter what things look like. It doesn’t matter how impossible something might seem to be. You never know when something or someone that you have written off will return as an unexpected surprise.

August

I have an aversion to the month of August.

It has proven over the course of my life to be a month of endings.

Generally, I hold my breath and pray to get through it.

Words have been silenced this month, more subconsciously than intentionally.

Today, August ends.

The Inside Of Outward Things

When I flit from day to day, caught up in all that is tangible around me, there is something lurking that tugs at the part of me that no one else sees.

I am reminded that things are not what they seem.

There is more going on than the “stuff” I have to do and the money I have to make. There is more to the bodies in my life than drama and stress and even more than the smiles that flash as they walk by.

I slowed down today and let my inner ear hear.

Like the tick of a watch that can only be heard when all other noise has been stilled, it’s always there but gets shuffled to the bottom, in all that life has going on.

What is really going on?

What is it that these outward things are creating on the inside?

It Takes Two To Tango

I heart Tango. It’s a dance that emits passion and a sense of drama. What could be better than that?

It’s been a long time since I’ve dabbled in the realm of ballroom dancing but last night, the inspiration found me once again.

Looking for something different to do, a friend and I went to Tango Tuesday at a local piano bar. It started with an hour-long Tango lesson followed by dancing until the pads of my feet were swollen and numb.

Here’s a list of life lessons from Tango class:

• The man invites the woman to dance. It’s called a "Cabaceo". He beckons her with a look of the eyes and then with his movements he invites her.

• The woman moves only when the man leads her to do so. He leads her with movements from his upper body.

• The woman must wait as long as is necessary for the man to lead her into the next movement. Each move is executed with intention.

• If he makes a move and she hesitates until she is certain of the move he is making, that is better than her moving ahead of his lead.

• The woman must trust herself. There’s no need for the woman to rush or second-guess herself. If she does make a mistake, she should commit to the movement and he will correct it in the next step.

• The man and woman must stay connected for the dance to be successful. To break physical connection, throws the dance off.

• A man’s job is to make a woman look good on the dance floor. However, if she tries to take the lead, he can’t successfully do his job.

• A woman will be properly balanced on her feet and able to make the most beautiful movements if she allows him to lead every movement. She will find herself off balance and awkward, if she attempts to lead.

• The man must navigate around the dance floor in a counter-clockwise direction. The woman dances moving backwards; she cannot see what is approaching behind her. The man dances moving forward with a view of what she can’t see. He must create the dance moves so as not to run the woman into other couples on the dance floor.

• A man may lead with pronounced starting and stopping of each move when he is dancing with a new partner and as they begin to understand each others’ way of dancing, the movements are more subtle and the dance is more graceful.

• The man controls the pace of the dance. He may move slow, fast or somewhere in-between. He may take several fast steps followed by a prolonged time of short slow movements. The beauty of tango is the variety of moves.

I forgot how therapeutic dancing is, especially partner dancing. One gentleman that I danced with near the end of the night asked if I wanted to dance with my eyes closed. That dance was by far the most fun for me. Without the distractions of looking around or focusing on my own moves, I was able to pay attention to the subtle cues of his lead. I was more relaxed and didn’t make as many mistakes.

That’s my Tango tale… now I just need a full time partner.

The Odyssey Of The Heart

I flipped on the midday news today and instead of catching the latest healthcare debate or the stock prices, I watched “breaking headlines” about the governor of South Carolina. Just in time to witness the press conference live, I was drawn in.

I’d never heard of Mark Sanford prior to a couple of days ago when I saw a headline on msn.com saying that the South Carolina governor was missing. I read the article, which stated that he was MIA but that he was known for occasionally taking private time away from his high profile duties.

It seems the stories of politicians in scandal are frequent these days. Spitzer, McGreevey, Ensign, Edwards, the list of those in political power that have been publicly disgraced reads like the name of a law firm with too many partners. But today, watching Gov. Sanford expose himself and his marital infidelity felt different than others I’ve seen confess their sins from behind a podium.

He was candid. He was apologetic. He gave the watching world facts and details that he could have left out. He could have spun his statement in such a way so as to save face politically but it didn’t seem like he did that. The point in my observation is neither to judge him nor to pat him on the back, but rather to recognize truth that I can take away from this unfortunate scenario.

One thing he said was, “the odyssey that we're all on in life is with regard to heart”. That statement rings in my ears tonight.

Regardless of if your life is paraded in front of a national audience, if there’s few who really know you at all or if you fall somewhere in between, what really matters is the state of our hearts.

Part of my heart is alive underground, where no one else sees and part of it, once bound to a fake me loves to be free. Part of my heart has been dead and part of it has been in shreds.

It IS a continuing voyage to find ongoing restoration and life and to live from that place and that is something I needed to remember at midday today.

Deep Breath

The hiatus is over.

I didn’t know I was going on a hiatus before it happened but here we are nearing the end of June and the blog has been dark for almost 2 months.

Lately, it’s been a struggle to write so I’ve been avoiding it much like skipping over the questions on a test that I don’t know the answers to. I go back to them later, if there’s time but when it comes to writing, I have moved forward without taking the loop back.

Without answers, I wait.

If the human body is 70 – 75% water, then my life is 85 – 90% waiting. It’s a theme that weaves its way through my existence on a continual basis.

I am tired of waiting.

I want movement.

A Little Rain

The sun came out today.

I haven’t seen it since Friday of last week when it made a brief appearance between the clouds. I don’t mind the rain. It’s par for the course this time of year. One day last week, after it had rained all night, it was overcast and misty in the morning. A bold green hue settled on the ground and in the air. I drove to the gym amazed by the stark transformation that took place in the dark of night. The day before, leaves were tightly closed buds and the grass was patchy green and brown. Winter was hanging on with all its melting might. In just one night of rain, the landscape had changed.

Failure, insecurities, hurt, or disappointment are messy and overwhelming. The “stuff” in life clouds up our sunshiny days like a downpour but those things can serve as a passageway to something new in our lives.

So, while I love the warmth of sunny days, without the rain it would be a longer journey from winter to summer. Yes, it’s inconvenient and messy but the rain accelerates new growth.

Yesterday I was drenched and tomorrow may be more of the same, but today the sky is cloudless and I’m taking a peek at all that is new today.

Crazy Neighbor Chronicles

It’s been reported and corroborated previously, that I have a crazy neighbor. Just one, but that’s more than enough.

She spends her days and nights intoxicated and high. In 2 years of living next door to her, I don’t recall having one sober encounter with her. About 2 weeks ago, her boyfriend was carried out of her condo in a body bag due to a drug overdose.  Still, her addictions erode the best of her.

 Last night, yet another installment of mcfrickin’ crazy kept me awake in the middle of the night. At midnight, just when I was near dreamland, I heard noises. I went to the window and sure enough, a big red fire engine was parked in front of my building. 4 firemen, (1 of whom was a cutie) in full gear, marched up to the 3rd floor. I stood in my doorway and watched the action. They pounded on the door and when Crazy Neighbor didn’t answer, they used a crow  bar and axe to force entry into the darkened house. Once inside, they found Crazy Neighbor intoxicated and passed out. An empty pot was burning on the glowing stove, which produced the horrendous odor of burning metal. The fire fighters also found the water in the tub running. The neighbor on the 2^nd floor had called the fire department because her ceiling was leaking, an indication that the water was coming from Crazy Neighbor’s place on the floor above.

A police officer forced Crazy Neighbor to vacate the premises for the night. Once I drifted off, somewhere between 2 and 3 am, I was only half asleep.

Who knows what may have happened if the WHFD had not beaten down the door. I shudder to think. My next purchase will be a fire extinguisher in case next time, she lights up the building. I’m hoping that her landlord gets a clue before that happens. 

Not Workin' 9 to 5

Being unemployed has its pros and cons. 

One of the downfalls (or benefits, depending on how you look at it) of unemployment is affecting me today. My brain feels like mush. Daytime talk shows leave me in need of intellectual stimulus. 

Dr. Phil, The Doctors, Bonnie Hunt, Ellen, Oprah and throw in TMZ, Inside Edition, Entertainment Tonight and American Idol Extra and there you have the reason why I haven't been able to get any writing done today.  

Although it might change my life to get the update on Tonya Harding and Lorena Bobbitt on today's Oprah, I think I will skip it and take my chances. 

Try, Try, Try Again

Please take 2 minutes and 40 seconds to watch this. 

Take A Step

Inspiration has been stifled lately. I have things I want to do, more writing and such, but I haven't been able to take action and move forward. My brain is stuck in neutral and I'm plagued by a nagging sense that if I just had an inspiring place to write, more ideas, more passion and a belief that what I have to say even matters, things would begin to move. Uh ya, these things are all excuses. They make sense in my head and that is why they hold me captive. 

I used to wish for more time to write. Then, I needed a new computer. Both of those things have been remedied and still I find myself stuck. I feel chained to limitations of my own making. Repeatedly, I have heard it said that in order to start, I must simply get going. One foot in front of the other, one word and then the next; but why is it that beginning is the hardest part?? Why do I get stuck on the emptiness of a blank page?? 

So, today I'm starting again because while I've been waiting for the stars to align, I've been missing the constellations that are already in place.