Dear Crazy Neighbor,

I'm writing because I have a few questions concerning stuff that I don't get.  

• Why do you insist on screaming to me when you hear my footsteps coming up the stairs, assuming I am your daughter?? I can hear everything that goes on over there. You and your daughter are not the only people who live in the building. Have you heard of an "inside voice"?? Please get one. 
  

• Why do you flick the ashes from your cigarettes onto the floor in the hallway?? Often, you do it the same day that the cleaners come by. You are not a dog, there's no need to mark your territory. 
  

• About the hallway, here's a newsflash - it's a shared space, not your dining room or your garage. What's up with the mac and cheese that you ground into the carpeting?? It now smells like baby throw up. The bike, shoes and other household items will soon disappear. They are a fire hazard. 
  

• Why is it, that when I open my sliding glass door in search of a peaceful moment on my balcony, you appear and pretend to have something to do on your balcony?? When I go inside, you do as well. Weird. 
  

• I know you don't work and don't have a car. I see you bossing the lady that lives below you and then she lets you use her car. Have you thought about getting a job?? The sketchy men that visit... is that your method of financial survival?? When you locked one of them on your balcony, I thought it was funny but again, screaming late at night is not ok. 
  

To sum it up, why are you so crazy?? Maybe crazy is all you've ever known. Maybe the substances you indulge have overtaken your life. I am frustrated because your crazy behavior is affecting me. Please get help. 

Sincerely, 

Your Bitchy Neighbor