Saturday, July 31, 2010

Rocky Mountain Rejuvenation (Part 2)

Fast forward.

Two and a half months later, I couldn’t take the boiling frustration of all the past and present components weighing me down. At that moment, to stay in the same place, doing the same thing was more painful and overwhelming than the fear and unknown of changing everything in my life. It was only then that I was ready and I leaped forward without looking back.

Fast forward again.  Five years have gone by. It’s 2010.

For as long as I stood on the ledge trying to gain the courage to jump, I should have done it sooner because it was one of the best decisions in my life. Tough at times?? Absolutely.

However, this was the way in which I was forced to face my fears and begin to undo the years of being suppressed. It was the path I had to take to discover the strength of who I am, what I want and what is important to me. It was how I learned to trust myself.

The sting of my last visit to Colorado still in the back of my mind, I was nervous about going there this month. What if all those feelings and frustrations overwhelm me again??  What if all the progress of my life isn’t real??

Going back to Colorado, it was different… or maybe I should say, I was different.

I experienced the magnificence of Colorado in ways that I have never known before. The beauty and the mystery of the places and the people, were no longer shadowed by needing to be anyone but who I am. I am at peace with things that I have fought against for years. I found rest there and a new appreciation for where I was raised. I didn’t expect that.

I know, it’s still summer here on the east coast but as I said, I came home with a sense that the seasons of my life are changing. Maybe another cliff jump is looming or maybe a climb to a new summit where more is required of me but the views are breathtaking.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Rocky Mountain Rejuvenation (Part 1)

I have been more or less in hibernation for the past week. Two of the three summer months are now gone and with them, my summer vacation.

I returned from 10 days in western Colorado with a sense that seasons are shifting. It must have followed me home. Summer is short in the high altitudes of the Rocky Mountains and above 10,000 feet there are patches where the snow never melts. 
The realization of turning seasons literally overtook me as I have barely left my house in a week’s time. Part grief for what is on its way out and part preparation for what is to come, I am fully alive. Right now I can’t see the calendar’s next page even though I know it will turn soon and make way for new events. Yet somehow, I have hope in knowing that what lies on the next page is still unwritten and full of possibilities.

It has been five years since my last trip to the homeland. A lot happens in five years and going back to the place where I grew up reiterated that to me.

The last time I took in the magnificence of western Colorado, I didn’t find it so magnificent. It was the summer before I moved to the east coast. I had been contemplating the move but was wrestling internally with fear and insecurity. Jumping off a cliff into the unknown without a job or a place to live or any other guarantees was daunting. The more I thought about it, the more paralyzed I became. That summer, I wanted to stop thinking about the move for a little while so I took the trip back to the places and some of the people that represented my formative years. It caused my heart additional turmoil. While I was wrestling with making a change in location and lifestyle, I was also fighting against years of being shut down and bottled up. Those things originated in the small county where I grew up and in the summer of 2005, I despised that spot in western Colorado that few have ever heard of….  (more to come)

Sunday, July 4, 2010

The Day Of Independence

The Spirit of America is…

Staring death down for the sake of freedom.

Holding tightly to ambition regardless of how strong the adversity.

Tirelessly expending all of one’s strength day after day to make life for the next generation more secure.

Fighting injustice and corruption without wavering.

Taking the risks without the option of turning back.

The values that built America were not just warm feelings they were the backbone of those who gave everything for the freedom and safety that I enjoy everyday of my life.

God Bless America!