Fast forward.
Two and a half months later, I couldn’t take the boiling frustration of all the past and present components weighing me down. At that moment, to stay in the same place, doing the same thing was more painful and overwhelming than the fear and unknown of changing everything in my life. It was only then that I was ready and I leaped forward without looking back.
Fast forward again. Five years have gone by. It’s 2010.
For as long as I stood on the ledge trying to gain the courage to jump, I should have done it sooner because it was one of the best decisions in my life. Tough at times?? Absolutely.
However, this was the way in which I was forced to face my fears and begin to undo the years of being suppressed. It was the path I had to take to discover the strength of who I am, what I want and what is important to me. It was how I learned to trust myself.
The sting of my last visit to Colorado still in the back of my mind, I was nervous about going there this month. What if all those feelings and frustrations overwhelm me again?? What if all the progress of my life isn’t real??
Going back to Colorado, it was different… or maybe I should say, I was different.
I experienced the magnificence of Colorado in ways that I have never known before. The beauty and the mystery of the places and the people, were no longer shadowed by needing to be anyone but who I am. I am at peace with things that I have fought against for years. I found rest there and a new appreciation for where I was raised. I didn’t expect that.
I know, it’s still summer here on the east coast but as I said, I came home with a sense that the seasons of my life are changing. Maybe another cliff jump is looming or maybe a climb to a new summit where more is required of me but the views are breathtaking.
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