Friday, August 15, 2008

Do I Deserve This?

What is it that any of us really deserve?

Someone I consider a friend has not been friendly lately. I’ve been trying to figure out how best to handle the situation and in my contemplation I keep coming up with ways of giving this person the benefit of the doubt. Bailing on our friendship is the message being sent by this person loud and clear. The words spoken to me in the past appear to hold no meaning now. I feel lied to and deceived on many levels. I believe in this person and have known parts of this person to be good, kind and caring. However, when push has come to shove and things are not so comfortable, this person has hit the road in a sprint. Dropped off the radar and checked out. Certainly there are many factors and it is never so black and white but the way this person has slithered away like a sneaky ferret leaves my feelings hurt. I don’t know how you can be friends with someone and then, without any conversation about what is going on, just disappear without a phone call, text message or email.

In my estimation, this person doesn’t deserve my time, doesn’t deserve my love, and doesn’t deserve my patience. The only thing this person deserves is to be written off.

Then, grace, mercy and compassion tap me on the shoulder and whisper in my ear.

I don’t deserve the love that God has given me. I don’t deserve the forgiveness and the faithfulness that is granted to me every day. Still, I am loved regardless of my selfishness. I am forgiven no matter what mistakes I make. I am given a life of endless opportunities and beautiful people even when I take them for granted. It is kindness that leads me to repentance.

If I am given these things that I don’t deserve, who am I to withhold these same things from someone who has wronged me? Anger and resentment hold me captive but extending kindness sets me free. Repaying the hurtful with clemency and dishonesty with charity turns the tables. It brings a dead end to ill feelings and instead promotes peace. Hate breeds hate but love multiplies loving kindness.

The question is no longer ‘do I deserve this?’

The question is ‘how will I respond to what I’ve been given?’

1 comment:

Greta said...

Ooo. Good blog. I'm going through a similar thing, and these are necessary words for me to hear.

We forget the second question so easily, huh?