Friday, August 22, 2008

Pursuit

I don’t pursue. It’s not in my nature, it’s not in my personality but sometimes people need to be pursued.

I’m not good at it. I’ve been disappointed in many of my attempts at it so generally I don’t pursue anything or anyone. I will make a move in the direction of someone or something that I desire but if I get shutdown at all, rarely will I ever embark in a full on pursuit. I often struggle to know if what I desire is really what is good for me so I allow obstacles to be signs that maybe I shouldn’t be pursuing it anyway.

Unless…

I get a sense that I need to stay a little longer or dig a little deeper or try a little harder.
There are times I can pinpoint when I have had an unexplainable strength that I normally don’t have. It’s that knowing deep in me that I must not give up but rather keep asking, keep standing, keep loving, and just keep on no matter what.

As a woman, I would much rather be pursued than be the pursuer when it comes to relationships. Be it a man or a woman, I don’t like tracking people down. I don’t like getting in anyone’s business. I cringe at the thought of being overbearing to anyone. However, sometimes a friend has no strength to reach out, yet is in desperate need to know love and that someone cares. This is when I need to get off my self-centered ass, risk rejection and chase that friend down.

This is what I’m learning to do. Its not always fun. I take one step forward then I shy away because the result wasn’t the way I wanted it to be. Then I inch into another step toward my friend. It takes vulnerability and being open to getting hurt. Pursuing people is something new to me but it’s what is being asked of me in this time and I am up for the challenge.

1 comment:

Annie Parsons said...

I love your processing, Christina! I've subscribed to your blog and really love reading your writing.